Sea Side reflection, Almuncer Spain

Today I find myself on the beach again. I say my bach because I have come to realize that no matter where you are in your life it is good to make every place and every day feel like home. Without this, I would be constantly searching for my home. A feeling normally only subsided when I ride my bike. A comfort of home no matter if I am scaling down the mountain of spain, winding through the tuscan country side, braving the winds of Wyoming with Chris and Susan and Jen, or taking my little dog cleo for a mountain bike ride around the lake in Tennessee. So now, I am here in Almuncer laying on a basically remote beach gazing at the monumnet to Del Cruz de Santo and listening to the waves crashing against the black rock beach.

For the past couple of days I have been reflecting on my life and the direction I want to go. Many opportunities, many doors, many paths, all posibilities are before me. Lost in confusion at times, feeling I should have a plan, a direction, a goal, all figured out...exactly what comes next. Again, this is my nature. Generally a good characteristic, but sometimes can become a negative attribute. I guess it came together for me when I was descending through the montain forest yesterday on my way to Almuncer. A song by blue grass/folk singer, Gilian Welch came on the ipod. I have heard the same song many times before, but as she sang the chorus line with a whinning tempo and picking in the background; I wanna do right, but not right now", it clicked for me. I associate with this..this is how I feel.

Generally, Most Americans want the American Dream. Get married in their early 20's after dating a year or hopefully a couple of years-have 2.5 kids before they are 30-have a big house with all new appliances-a SUV and a car that gets good gas mileage- a boat if you live by the water- work a 10 hours day do you can enjoy your kids and boat-if you are luck have enough annual leave left after not having to use annual leave for sick time due to stress...so you can take a two week vacation to Disney land with the Kids. I wanted this at one time. I tried so hard to get this, but it is not part of my life anymore. For some reason, I have had a anxiety to get this again. A feeling like this is how I should be, what I should want. However, this has changed. It may be what I want-portions of it, what is right...but not right now.

Being exposed to different cultures has got me thinking about what is right. For example, the Itallian (of course there are exceptions) do not get married until their mid or late 30´s. The birth rate is only 1.5 kids. They find it important to get a education, become financially stable, travel, etc. I am told the Spanish will date for many years live apart and both work to purchase a home and all the things for the home such as towels, silverware, and baby furniture. Then once this is accomplish, they will get married and have one life together... The spanish live in very small homes. This is why the tapas and night life is so important in their culture. Their homes are not big enough for dinner parties. Everyone lives and socializes at the bars and cafe´s. I have had many conversations with locals and they inform me that their culture is becomming more "American" and they ask me why. They ask me why Americans are they way they are, as if all of this was negative. I do nto know if they get their ideals from watching american soap operas, MTV or the simpsons, but if you see how these peole live their lifes, it is different and maybe better at times.

So this is all I have to say about this one...for now.

Amore, K