May, 26th, 2007Today is my Anniversary. It is late in the evening and it just hit me that 6 years ago today I married my ex-husband on Kentucky blue grass. I saw my father cry for the first time as he walked me down isle that was lined with cloth and daisy peddles. I walked between a row of 100 year old oak trees to the man that I promised to love forever, through sickness, and health, till death do we part. I promised, I do. I meant it at that time, but to love a man that could not truly love back, that gave his love to someone else… I had to break my promise-well part of it. I will always love him, but death did not part us, something that I will never understand did. I search my soul, remember, and reflect on what it was that caused that hell that became my reality. I do not think even after reading dozens of books and a year of therapy would give me an answer. I have stopped the search, well for now. I look forward to what the next day brings. I guess this is why, I just remembered what today is.
I shout out to Ruben as he walked ahead of me.. “Hey! It is my anniversary, wish me a anniversary”. He looks back with the loveliest brown eyes and smiled. I try to explain to him that today 6 years ago, I was married; now I am not. I guess he did not understand because I was up beat about it.
I smile because I went all day with Ruben in a magical place that wiped all the sad memories that would have crossed my mind if I were anywhere else in the world. I deserve at least this; one day without the haunting memories of what I lost. Instead my thought was of what I had.
Today I had a wonderful morning as I awoke under a rock shelter, on the dirt floor, huddled against a smiling Spaniard. Actually, I recall that this last night’s sleep was the best I have ever had out side in all my years of sleeping in tents, on the ground under the stars, or on rafts that were stacked on chop busses. Ruben even commented that he never-never slept till 11 in all his time sleeping outside.
Outside is where we both like to be. I ride; he climbs. We both love the mountains and it so happens that we both like to not stay still very long and enjoy a challenge. Today, he guides me on his mountains. Keeping me safe as I scale the rock walls on Montserrat. He poses for me, being silly, as I take his picture as he adjusts the climbing ropes.
I must say that Ruben has a knack for teaching and is the most kind and patient man, besides my father, that I have ever interacted with. I guess, this must be because of his culture, or his nature, or his tremendous effort to communicate with me on a level that most men that speak English have never even attempted. For some reason, I know exactly what he is tring to tell me… from the simplest thing of what music he likes, to how to adjust my weight as I climb, to the most intimate details of what he wants from life. Always apologizing for his broken English, I always shake my head no, I understand.
So today, was a good day. I find that I am finding myself again. Losing the person that I became to try to keep my husband. Returning to the person that has always been there. This is what I tell myself is why that on my first anniversary away from not being married, I am happy again.
Amore.Katelyn
I shout out to Ruben as he walked ahead of me.. “Hey! It is my anniversary, wish me a anniversary”. He looks back with the loveliest brown eyes and smiled. I try to explain to him that today 6 years ago, I was married; now I am not. I guess he did not understand because I was up beat about it.
I smile because I went all day with Ruben in a magical place that wiped all the sad memories that would have crossed my mind if I were anywhere else in the world. I deserve at least this; one day without the haunting memories of what I lost. Instead my thought was of what I had.Today I had a wonderful morning as I awoke under a rock shelter, on the dirt floor, huddled against a smiling Spaniard. Actually, I recall that this last night’s sleep was the best I have ever had out side in all my years of sleeping in tents, on the ground under the stars, or on rafts that were stacked on chop busses. Ruben even commented that he never-never slept till 11 in all his time sleeping outside.
Outside is where we both like to be. I ride; he climbs. We both love the mountains and it so happens that we both like to not stay still very long and enjoy a challenge. Today, he guides me on his mountains. Keeping me safe as I scale the rock walls on Montserrat. He poses for me, being silly, as I take his picture as he adjusts the climbing ropes.
I must say that Ruben has a knack for teaching and is the most kind and patient man, besides my father, that I have ever interacted with. I guess, this must be because of his culture, or his nature, or his tremendous effort to communicate with me on a level that most men that speak English have never even attempted. For some reason, I know exactly what he is tring to tell me… from the simplest thing of what music he likes, to how to adjust my weight as I climb, to the most intimate details of what he wants from life. Always apologizing for his broken English, I always shake my head no, I understand.
So today, was a good day. I find that I am finding myself again. Losing the person that I became to try to keep my husband. Returning to the person that has always been there. This is what I tell myself is why that on my first anniversary away from not being married, I am happy again.
Amore.Katelyn
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