4. I found my laugh again, Bent Creek Trail, Pisgah National Forest, North Carolina: miles: who knows time: no idea either

I guess I could be considered a Tom Boy. What does this really mean anyway? As a kid I remembered I liked to play sports, get dirty, and race the boys. I was the only girl on a all boy’s select soccer team; likewise made a lot of people question and laugh at why “the bull” would want to be a football cheer leader her senior year. On the other hand, as a kid I loved to play house, apply makeup to my little brother, and remember how excited I was to wear my first pair of pantyhose. As an adult, I still struggle with a balance of tom boy vs. girly girl. I go through phases where I am really into having nice clothes, perfect nails, highlighted hair; and throw myself into domestic activities like knitting, cooking food, an gossiping with the girls. A month later, my nails will be ripped off, I could care less with what I have on, my hair never leaves a pony tail, and I find myself in the company of men usually with a saddle between my legs.

Not by preference really, but I realize as I get older women that play outside are hard to find, especially for multi day adventures. I guess women are still the ones to stay home with the kids why the dad goes and play.

This time in my life, I am in the tomboy phase. I feel like one of the boys this weekend as I find myself riding mountain bikes covered in mud,

joking around,

and drinking beer with the boys.

No deep conversations, no talk of how hot Justin Timerlake is, no hugging, I am not getting advise on what I should wear to dinner and I have not even looked in the mirror. Just riding and laughing.

As I ride with my friends, mark and Farmer, we are laughing. As we eat and drink we are laughing, When we are in the car, we are laughing, Dancing-laughing. Listening to music-laughing. Walking through crowds- laughing. Lauging so much that my face hurts.. my abs feel like I have done a million sit-ups.

I reflect on all this laughing I am doing, as I ride through the lush forest of the Pisgah National Forest. http://ncnatural.com/NCUSFS/Pisgah/So green, drafts of cool air chill my wet skin, mud splatters on my face and legs and I smile because I like it.

Laughing is something for a long time that I was unable to do. I remember the first time that I caught myself laughing during a sad point in my life. My grandmother had come to Cheyenne to visit me. We were taking a walk around the lake and I just had asked her that if I left my husband would she come and stay with me. In the middle of this it seems a family of birds did not like that we were walking by. They started dive bombing our heads, we both started running, covering our heads, dogs in tow, laughing, the birds continue to follow us, dive bombing, squawking…. It lasted for minutes. As this event settled, I distinctly remember being happy that she was there with me, that I was laughing; but then sadden that I could not recall in a long time when I had laughed at all…….

So this weekend, filled with laughing, I am reminded how better my life is..now that I am laughing.