Writers block… never had a problem is my life knowing what to say. If anything, I have too much to say never taking he time to listen. For weeks I had something I wanted to say, to share, to write, but could not make myself sit down and actually do it. Something in my life was causing me to keep so absolutely busy or distracted that I was not taking the time to do the one thing in my life that has reunited me with a long lost gift of creativity. But today I have the familiar overwhelming need to write you- to share what I have to say. Not about my bicycle- but share about a woman- a woman that is now gone.
I went numb. I felt as I was floating on the ceiling and looking down at my self sitting on a couch- at a rafting outpost- located in the Cherokee National Forest. My mind was stripped from my body searching for a sense of reality. Am I imagining this? Am I high? Am I dreaming? Did I read this right? I read again, a email that was sent from a friend in Wyoming. Yes, I read this right. Instantly every orifice on my body that could release moisture was stimulated. Tears from my eyes-sweat from my brow-my mouth watered- and my nose began to run. I read the first line of the email that read… Katelyn I hate to give you this news.. but Robin Munis was shot be her husband, she is gone.
She had a smile that lit up the room. Gorgeous brown yes, dark brown flowing hair that was always full of body, maybe from a curling iron or rollers..but only a southern girl would go through this much trouble- no mistake. I was instantly drawn to this southern beauty. She had a familiar Tennessee ascent that reminded me of home. A voice of an angle, a grin of a gal that liked to have fun, and a heart of gold that you could see in her eyes. She took the time to ask how you were doing, to truly want to know how things were. We became close very fast. We had a lot in common. One being we were both Tennessee girls. We both had a spirit of adventure. We both loved our husbands but could not figure out why things were not better. Her husband, was a lot like my husband. They treated us the same, said the same things, did the same things, liked the same things…. good and well not so good. We were there to support each other, to provide encouragement that things would get better, that if we tried harder, did things different, lost the weight that they complained about, we would make them happy…things would be different. Many nights at the bar, time shared at work, days hanging out; we were there for each other.
The last time I say her, was a time in my life where I was selfish. Trying to get the guts to get out of bed, go to work, make it through the day. As we spoke in the parking lot, I asked her how she and her husband was doing. She paused and said…OK were doing OK. She looked at me, cracked a smile, shook her head as she gazed at me, and in her own way let me know she was not telling the truth. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her ya sure..give me a call. As I said this I knew that this was not going to happen. I was moving home next week, because I finally left my husband. I did not have the “time” to take one hour of my day to see a old friend that was there for me when I needed her.
Guilt, has overcome me. Why did I not go to lunch! Could something I would of said resulted in something different? Is it silly to think this? I question how could a man-lose it? Completely go insane to end the life of his child’s mother. How was this man, that seemed so similar to my ex-husband, have gotten to this breaking point. She said she needed to stay, this was her 3rd marriage, she had 4 kids, she could not give up, and I agreed with her. I gave up. I ended mine. I got out. Out of something un known, but only known was the direction it was headed. A direction that was not good. Hers ended her life. Did she get out too early, too late, not the right way?
So ya…. Today as I read the email from my ex-husband asking if I would ever take him back if he gave 100%. I thought to myself what Robin would of said, what advise would she of given? She would of said, “NO girrrrrl, you deserve better!”. She would of said this with the most intense passion, from knowing what I felt like, from being through what I have been through, from crying the same tears, fearing the same fears, and having her heart break in a million pieces…just like mine
So that sweet southern voice is still heard in my ears, I can see her smile, imagine her dancing, imagine her laughing as she would throw her head back and make those silly little kissy faces. I will miss my friend, but she will always be with me
I went numb. I felt as I was floating on the ceiling and looking down at my self sitting on a couch- at a rafting outpost- located in the Cherokee National Forest. My mind was stripped from my body searching for a sense of reality. Am I imagining this? Am I high? Am I dreaming? Did I read this right? I read again, a email that was sent from a friend in Wyoming. Yes, I read this right. Instantly every orifice on my body that could release moisture was stimulated. Tears from my eyes-sweat from my brow-my mouth watered- and my nose began to run. I read the first line of the email that read… Katelyn I hate to give you this news.. but Robin Munis was shot be her husband, she is gone.
She had a smile that lit up the room. Gorgeous brown yes, dark brown flowing hair that was always full of body, maybe from a curling iron or rollers..but only a southern girl would go through this much trouble- no mistake. I was instantly drawn to this southern beauty. She had a familiar Tennessee ascent that reminded me of home. A voice of an angle, a grin of a gal that liked to have fun, and a heart of gold that you could see in her eyes. She took the time to ask how you were doing, to truly want to know how things were. We became close very fast. We had a lot in common. One being we were both Tennessee girls. We both had a spirit of adventure. We both loved our husbands but could not figure out why things were not better. Her husband, was a lot like my husband. They treated us the same, said the same things, did the same things, liked the same things…. good and well not so good. We were there to support each other, to provide encouragement that things would get better, that if we tried harder, did things different, lost the weight that they complained about, we would make them happy…things would be different. Many nights at the bar, time shared at work, days hanging out; we were there for each other.
The last time I say her, was a time in my life where I was selfish. Trying to get the guts to get out of bed, go to work, make it through the day. As we spoke in the parking lot, I asked her how she and her husband was doing. She paused and said…OK were doing OK. She looked at me, cracked a smile, shook her head as she gazed at me, and in her own way let me know she was not telling the truth. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her ya sure..give me a call. As I said this I knew that this was not going to happen. I was moving home next week, because I finally left my husband. I did not have the “time” to take one hour of my day to see a old friend that was there for me when I needed her.
Guilt, has overcome me. Why did I not go to lunch! Could something I would of said resulted in something different? Is it silly to think this? I question how could a man-lose it? Completely go insane to end the life of his child’s mother. How was this man, that seemed so similar to my ex-husband, have gotten to this breaking point. She said she needed to stay, this was her 3rd marriage, she had 4 kids, she could not give up, and I agreed with her. I gave up. I ended mine. I got out. Out of something un known, but only known was the direction it was headed. A direction that was not good. Hers ended her life. Did she get out too early, too late, not the right way?
So ya…. Today as I read the email from my ex-husband asking if I would ever take him back if he gave 100%. I thought to myself what Robin would of said, what advise would she of given? She would of said, “NO girrrrrl, you deserve better!”. She would of said this with the most intense passion, from knowing what I felt like, from being through what I have been through, from crying the same tears, fearing the same fears, and having her heart break in a million pieces…just like mine
So that sweet southern voice is still heard in my ears, I can see her smile, imagine her dancing, imagine her laughing as she would throw her head back and make those silly little kissy faces. I will miss my friend, but she will always be with me
1 comment:
thank you.
im pretty bad with name and faces, but if ive ever met you, im her son, Robb.
i want to thank you for this article,
its been hard lately trying to stay away from reading the articles that state my mother as an object in a tragedy that people just want to hear to make their lifes seen better.
thank you
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